Before, During, and After Cancer, a Photo Journey

Cancer has a way of becoming a benchmark in your life. From now on, everything will be B.C. (Before Cancer) and A.C. (After Cancer). I suppose that's how it is with any traumatic experience. Everything is measured against that experience. Whenever I have to get any medical procedure done now I compare it to chemo or the ostomy. A colonoscopy is child's play compared to that stuff. Blood work? Please, doesn't even make me sweat in comparison. Nasogastric tube (see photo below) . . . okay, that's pretty bad, ranks right up there with the chemo, not as bad as the ostomy. You get the idea. The same measuring tool is used for everyday events too.

Talk to any cancer survivor and they'll tell you the same thing, life changes after cancer, it's never the same again . . . for the good and bad. For one, I have a whole new outlook on who God is and how He operates in the lives of His children. He's so much more real to me now, so much more personal.

So, in thinking about all this cancer stuff I thought I'd post a few photos, before, during, and after the battle.

This photo was taken 10 months before diagnosis. We took a family vacation to the Pemaquid area in Maine. Little did we know that monster was inside me even then, growing stronger every day.


Here I am with the beloved nasogastric tube. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Up your nose with a rubber hose." That hose, by the way, is travelling all the way down to my stomach and draining its contents.


Here I am with my baby girl in some caverns in Virginia. This was taken seven months after finishing up chemo, two years after our vacation to Maine, the first photo. You can see I shed a few pounds along the way.

Fiction as Evangelism, Some Questions and Thoughts

Earlier this week I mentioned a blog post by Mike Duran over at Novel Journey about using fiction to evangelize. Thank you for the responses. I've been thinking about this issue lately and it's brought up some questions in my mind.

Now, first, I realize that evangelism is a continuum that runs from living a godly lifestyle to sharing the gospel to leading someone to Christ to discipling that someone. There's more or less steps involved there, of course. Each situation and how someone ultimately comes to Christ is unique and unto itself. For the purposes of this post and my thoughts I'm zeroing in on the aspect of sharing the good news of God's salvation part of evangelism.

A few questions running through my mind:

Can fiction itself evangelize? Obviously, if it's going to, somewhere in the story there must be the gospel message. That can be presented in a myriad of ways, from covert to overt, but let's face it, telling a wholesome story with no swearing or sex and maybe a moral message isn't going to clue anyone in on the glory of what Jesus did on the cross and our need for Him as a Savior. Yes, God can use anything to lead someone to Himself but how shall they know unless someone tells them? God's intent is that people introduce the message.

Can fiction be used as a tool to evangelize? This is where I say a hearty YES! Jesus did it all the time in the form of parables. From the time we're old enough to understand the English language people are in love with stories. The way I see it, this can be done a couple ways. One, a story can be another seed planted in the soil of an unbeliever's heart. Maybe something in the story plucks that right heart string or opens the blinds just the right way to let the Light in. Maybe it clues in on just the right topic that brings that dawning of understanding. Whatever. The point is, when we write a story, we never know how God is going to use that story or the characters in it or the message in it. The second way is that the story can be used by someone else as a platform to share the gospel. A believer can give the book to an unbeliever then get a conversation started about the book and guide that conversation toward spiritual things.

Here's another question I have and it's spawned by Christian authors writing for the secular market with an intent to evangelize. They say they want to reach the unbelievers and I commend them for that and am not in any way questioning their heart or motives. My question is asked out of simple ignorance: How can they evangelize a lost world who knows nothing of God's salvation with a story that speaks nothing of God's salvation? Obviously, their target audience is the lost. And I would imagine a secular publisher isn't going to go for overt Christian messages in the book (except in rare circumstances), so how does this happen? I equate it to working side by side with your co-worker and living a clean, moral life in front of him/her but never going beyond that, never talking about spiritual things, never mentioning your faith, never talking about Jesus.

Now, I can see where a Christian author (or "an author who is a Christian," which seems to be the popular way of saying it nowadays) may want to write for the general market with an eye to believers who are struggling with one thing or another and has strayed from the faith. They would have a much better chance of reaching that person in the general market with a story of hope and redemption.

Just some thoughts. They are my thoughts. Feel free to agree or disagree. This is after all, America, and still a free country . . . for now.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts as time goes by but for now, I'd like to hear yours.

Mike Duran on Using Fiction to Evangelize

Last month here we had some discussion about what exactly "Christian" fiction is and how it is to be used. A discussion that could go much deeper and hopefully will in future posts here (once my home computer is up and running again). But for now, if you're interested at all in this topic of Christian fiction and it being used to evangelize read this post by Mike Duran over at Novel Journey. It's a thought-provoking piece that has generated some interesting coversation. Be sure to peruse through the comments too. There's some good stuff in there.

I'd like to write more on this issue of using fiction to evangelize soon. Should it be done? Can it be done? How should it be done?

A Sure-Fire Way to Beat Depression and Burn Out Dirty Stickiness

Yesterday, Chip MacGregor, a literary agent, mentioned a book on his blog called How to Good-Bye Depression by Hiroyuki Nishigaki. Folks, you have to at least check this book out on Amazon. I haven't laughed so hard by myself in a very long time.

Go to the Amazon page (click on book link above), check out the "Look Inside" feature, but most of all, read the reviews by other readers. Hilarious! The amazing thing is that this book is selling really well on Amazon.

Here's a bit to whet your appetite:

The subtitle: "If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarky? Or Effective Way?"

And from the back cover: I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make * * three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don't know concentration which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.

Folks, I don't know about you, but burning out dirty stickiness and releasing immaterial fiber sounds pretty good. Now if I could only concentrate and attain that happy lucky feeling. Maybe I need to dent my navel more.

Wishing I Was a Geek

Computers are wonderful things, really they are, but at times, boy oh boy, I just want to . . . well, you know . . . self-control is needed. This morning was one of those times. Got up, trudged downstairs, turned computer on, just like I've been doing every morning for the past five years (almost every morning). While the computer boots up I take the dog out, feed her, then check email, etc. Only this morning when I went to check email I found a blue screen that said "Registry File Failure" then some computer gobblety-gook then "It is corrupt, absent, or not writable."

Didn't sound good. Words like "failure," "corrupt," and "absent" don't go well with a computer.

Now, I'm not computer savvy at all. I know how to turn it on and navigate myself around the programs I'm familiar with but when it comes to troubleshooting and repairing damaged software my knowledge base goes about as far as turning the thing off then back on again. When this failed I tried it again two or three more times. I'm having trouble remembering the details because at this point I was teetering on the edge of panic. Man, I wish I was a computer geek.

Every time I tried to restart it that same confounded blue screen popped up with that word . . . "failure." Failure. Kinda harsh, dont you think? Like the computer is laughing at me, hollering, "Failure!"

Luckily, I have some friends at church who are computer savvy and know a little more than turning it off and on. One guy said it sounded "not good" and suggested I find a computer repair man to see if he can salvage the data on the hard drive. So I talked to another friend who is a computer repair man. He said it sounded like he could retrieve the data but I'd need a new hard drive.

Repair man? New hard drive? I was seeing $$$. This is sounding too much like when my car goes to the shop. (My friend the repair man assured me it wouldn't cost too much.)

I always thought these crashing hard drives happened to that other guy, you know, the guy who doesn't know diddly about computers . . . oh, wait, that's me. Bummer.

Anyway, I wrote this post on my work IBM ThinkPad. I may be out of commission for a little while and definately won't be updating my Facebook or Twitter because the network this laptop runs on for work blocks social networking sites.

Hey, you know what? I might just enjoy the vacation from being "connected."

On Being a Historical Figure

My girls are into the American Girl dolls. Every year for Christmas they look forward to either getting a new doll or some accessory for a doll they already have. Hey, I love the fact that my girls are still into dolls and not so interested in having their eyeballs glued to a computer screen.

Now, here's the rub. Here's my latest (and only) beef with the American Girl company. They have a line of "historical dolls," dolls modeled after girls from different time periods in American history. There's Felicity from the American Revolution, Josephina, a girl of Mexican descent in the 1820's, Addy from 1864, Kit from 1934, and Molly from the WWII era, to name a few. Each doll has a book that tells that girls' story, history lessons, and so forth. Each doll also has various outfits from the time period, funiture, accessories, etc. all fit to the time period in which the girl lives. Very cool stuff.

But . . . a few months ago I came home from work only to have my girls tell me I was now "historical." What? Here they had received the new American Girl catalog only to find out the newest "historical" figure was Julie, girl of the 1970s.



What? You gotta be kidding me. Puh-lease. I grew up in the 70s! I'm not historical! Sure I may be getting some gray hair and my joints may be a little more stiff than they used to be, and I remember seeing KISS in concert and when skateboards first got big (even though they were little and skinny then). Okay, so I remember seeing Star Wars (the real Star Wars) in the theatre. I had an Atari 2600. My bike had a big ole banana seat. I'm a child of the 70s, but I'm not historical. Please don't go there. Not yet.

What, Me Thankful?

The other evening after dinner I played a little game with my girls. We were talking about being thankful and how in 1 Thessalonians 5:18 it says to give thanks in all circumstances. I would give them a scenario and they would tell me one thing they could be thankful for in that circumstance. It was challenging but I think it opened their little eyes to the blessing of finding something to be thankful for no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in.

I would challenge you to do it by yourself or with your family.

Now, again, I was thinking back to where I was last year at this time and how far I've come, how far we've come as a family. I have much to be thankful for. Here's a quick run-down: (look, I know this time of year everyone's posting their lists and we all tend to just skim over them and think, "Oh, that's nice," so I won't be offended if you do the same here, but it may just be worth reading . . . and besides, you're on this list too!)

My wife, Jen. We don't always see eye to eye, I doubt if any married couple does, but I value her opinion and insight. And her faithfulness is legendary (in my mind). She stuck with me, by my side, during our darkest hours and saw things and experienced things I'm sure wasn't on her mind when she signed up for this gig. She's a good woman, a great mother, and a blessing of a wife.

My daughters, my three little chicks. What joy they bring a daddy. I'm so proud of them I could run up down our street like a psyche ward runaway screaming "I have the best kids in the world!" They are sweet, patient, forgiving, loving, and so talented in so many ways. And their faith constantly gives me an education.

My parents and family. Really, they're my biggest fans and I'm not just talking about my writing. No matter how low I get they are there to pick me up and set me back on my feet. You can't put value on that.

I'm thankful for my job, that I have a job. It suits me perfectly and I love spending time with my patients.

I'm thankful for the opportunity God's given me to write and publish my books. Folks, I don't take any of it for granted and write each book as if it will be my last. I know this whole rollercoaster is held up by God's good grace and at any moment it could be taken away (the Lord gives and the Lord takes away). I want to make each book count.

I'm thankful for my publisher and the wonderful team of people I work with. I truly feel like I'm part of their family. Also for my agent and writing friends. Without them none of this would be happening.

I'm thankful for YOU! Readers and lovers of fiction who encourage me and pray for me and read my books and share my books. You have no idea what an honor it is to know that someone took time out of their busy day to read a story I created and actually enjoyed it. Honestly, I still have a hard time believing all this is really happening. I'm like a little kid (or, hey, even a big kid) on Christmas morning every time I get an email or Facebook message or blog comment about one of my books.

I'm thankful for YOU! Those who don't read my books for one reason or another but keep up with my family and my blog for other reasons. Thank you for praying for us, thank you for supporting us and encouraging us and just being there for us. How wonderful it is to know that in this journey of life, no matter how scary or dark or tumultuous it may get, we are not alone.

This list could go on and on but you really don't want to keep scrolling down like that and I probably lost you after "too!)"

Sorry, but this list is more for me than you and it'll keep going on and on in my heart.

Darlington Woods Endorsement

Here's another endorsement for Darlington Woods that came in last week. This one from a very talented author and screenwriter. In face, it was her books that first inspired me to start writing fiction.

"Terrifying and exhilarating, Darlington Woods is a heart-wrenching and soul-healing story of a father’s—and the Father’s—love. One of my favorite writers, Mike Dellosso delivers a book that readers will find almost impossible to put down. Action junkies, mystery lovers, and supernatural fans will be held captive by the dark journey through Darlington Woods. Keep the lights on—and be assured that the talented Dellosso will take you on a journey by the light that always shines in the darkness."

--Kathryn Mackel, author of Vanished

Thank you, Kathy!

Finding Thankfulness

Somtimes life throws some real junk at us. It's like that merciless bully that just won't leave us alone. It's gotta keep coming and coming with the bad stuff. Relentless. Overwhelming. Cruel. And just when you think, "It can't get much worse than this" . . . it does.

Ever been there? I know I have. And I know many others who have as well.

This is the time of year when thankfulness is foremost on our minds. Everyone's saying their thankful for this and thankful for that. But what about when you're in that valley and the bully is hot on your heels, ready to dish out another beating? What about when you just don't feel very thankful at all? Things are bleak, the color for the day is black, gray at best, and the tunnel is long and dark with no light to be seen?

Like I said, I've been there.

And here's what I learned: there's always something to be thankful for. I know it sounds cliche-ish and maybe it is. But it's true. Every situation, every circumstance, every valley, every dark tunnel, has something to be thankful for. Oh, sometimes you have to look hard for it, and at the time it may not seem like much, but it's there. I promise.

I believe that God inserts these little blessings into every trial we go through, pinpoints of light. His fingerprints are there. Sometimes (maybe most times) they're not very visible and you have to go through some work to dust for them, but if you look closely enough, you'll find them. And then they'll be so obvious you'll wonder why you didn't see them all along and you'll cling to them like your life depends on it. Because it does.

Last year at this time I was undergoing chemo for my colon cancer, still had my ileostomy, and was struggling in more ways than I cared to admit. So I had to go back and see what I wrote on this topic of thankfulness last year. Here's a snippet:

This is going to sound really weird and maybe even a bit sick, but one of the things I'm thankful for this year is my battle with cancer.

Because of the cancer that has invaded my body I've experienced things, learned things, witnessed things, and prayed things I never would have otherwise. I've seen God work in, yes, miraculous ways. I've seen His faithfulness up close and personal, been on the receiving end of His grace, felt the comfort of His arms around me, found things in His Word I've never seen before, and heard the soothing sound of His voice in my ear.

Like I said, there's always something to be thankful for. Think about that.

Reality's Slap

There are a lot of rewarding things about working in the field of physical therapy (my job that pays the bills) and a lot more rewarding things about doing it in someone's home. But at times it can be a real slap in the face by Reality. People suffer, they hurt, they cry, their lives are turned upside down and sometimes with no hope of ever being turned right side up again.

I'm currently seeing a young woman, just 34, with multiple sclerosis. She lives with her sister as she is unable to care for herself. Her movements are jerky, uncoordinated, and awkward. She walks using a walker and much effort so spends most of her time in a wheelchair. She has a seven-year-old son.

Most of the time she smiles and talks the best she can. She is such a sweet woman, such a kind soul.

Seeing how this awful disease has overtaken her and slowly debilitated her is saddening and maddening. It's downright cruel and viscious and merciless. I hate MS.

But the thing that's the hardest is watching her interact with her seven-year-old son. Her sister is raising the boy, stepping in as his surrogate mother, but I can tell my patient wants to be his mommy. Every boy needs a mommy. I can see the pain in her eyes when she can't be there for him or when her sister has to step in and do what she cannot. It's enough to put a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes.

So what do I do? Try to brighten her day as much as I can. Encourage her. Point out the areas where she's improving and celebrate what she can do. And pray for her.

Folks, none of us know what tomorrow holds. No one can tell what next year will bring. All of us are just one day away, one hour away, one minute, one second away from having our lives turned upside down. But for the grace of God I could be that thirty-something unable to care for my own children.

Celebrate, praise, laugh, love, run and play and explore and enjoy . . .